Self-confidence

Most people's portrayed self-confidence comes from a place of insecurity. What do I mean by this? Their self-confidence is not substantial, but it's a shell. It's a projection that those who don't know any better will perceive as confidence, by assuming that the person projecting it is in fact confident, rather than insecure.

Traits of projected self confidence: 

The constant need to sing ones own praises. Constantly saying "I'm beautiful aren't I?" or anything that they may want you to perceive that they are confident about. Do not get me wrong, not everyone who sings their own praises are secretly insecure. Some are just arrogant and full of it. You'll be able to discern the difference between the two types by their aura. There, lies the silent distinction between the 'secretly insecure' and the 'confident' (full of it).


The focus here is the secretly insecure:

Their sense of self-confidence comes from comparing themselves to others. They will sit and count the areas in which they are better at or how much more attractive they are in comparison to another. This is so they can feel better about themselves.

To be very open with you, I almost fell into that trap myself. It's not something we do on purpose. It's something we do as a form of internal defense against the feeling of incompetence. We automatically begin to evaluate what we are good at when we come across someone who we perceive is either more attractive or better than us in some way. We go into count mode. We begin counting and stacking up our abilities against the other persons. We do this to reaffirm ourselves in the moment. The danger is if it becomes habitual. That's when we lose our sense of self-worth. This constant comparison thing becomes what we reach for every-time we feel low, so we can make ourselves  feel competent. It is very jarring to do this all the time.

How I escaped this trap:

Once I came across this woman. She was stunningly captivating. I literally could not take my eyes off her. Not only was she beautiful outside, but her persona was very welcoming and warm. She was talented and simply amazing to look at and be around. After intensively admiring her, I came back to myself and I instantly begun to compare myself to see how I stacked up against such an amazing woman. Have you ever done that? However, it felt good counting what I am good at. Then suddenly I stopped in my tracks and I said "No" to myself inside my head. I spoke to me! I said it's not right! You shouldn't have to compare yourself to feel good about you.

I started to evaluate my self-confidence and  I checked to see why I felt inferior. After carefully assessing myself. I arrived at this personal question, which I asked me! "How many of you are there Viviane?" (I know my name is very generic). I mean me the person, how many are there? And I answered, "One!" How many will there ever be? I said, "One! Only ONE." Then it happened. It was an intense self-revelation, which brought on an effective paradigm shift. This effectively begun the process of breaking down all the false images of who I thought I was in my head. It caused me to look at myself from a different light. I saw myself as a rare species endangered by the epidemic disease that is insecurity. In that moment of inferiority, I could of well chose to become a copy of this woman who I admired. Now, do not mix up being inspired by someone and becoming a replicate twisted. When you are inspired, the flow of that energy causes you to invest into whatever you are doing to better it. Not to copy and become a reflection of whatever inspired you.  

My self-confidence stems from my view of me. The uniqueness of my individuality as a person. My distinctive appearance and all the constructs that make me. This is because I have come to embrace myself as a person. I have accepted me in my whole entirety. I have accepted the fact that this is who I am. The good about me I will refine for the better and my flaws I will strategically commit myself to improving them.

The problem with us as people is this; what's rare in others, we tend to bully and make fun of. In turn, we make them feel wrong to be different. Instead of celebrating difference. More so, when we're young, the criticism and judgement from other people tends to make us despite the very thing about us that set us a part. 

Challenge:

Today I encourage you to take time out to look into yourself, really observe your person microscopically and see all the little things about you that is just you! Not in comparison to anyone else, but with the understanding that there is only one of YOU. You also have to understand that comparing yourself is somewhat futile, because the breed that is "YOU", there is only one of your kind. Technically, you can't compare yourself to anything that isn't the same as "YOU", As there will only ever be one "YOU".


You have to like "YOU". Like you enough that you see the beauty that's in you. When you do this, you will grow from liking yourself to eventually loving yourself, as you unveil the new layers of "YOU". Only then can you get to a safe place in yourself to be able to genuinely admire beauty in others without feeling inferior or envious, because you already have "YOU" and you are more than enough. It's easier said than done, but first steps first. Start by seeing the good in you. As for your flaws, don't let them bring you down! Let them be an array of opportunity to improve and better yourself.


You don't have to compare yourself to others everyday. Focus on loving and bettering yourself. Be the best "YOU" you can be.......Yours Truly Viviane.


 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX