Self-confidence

Most people's portrayed self-confidence comes from a place of insecurity. What do I mean by this? Their self-confidence is not substantial, but it's a shell. It's a projection that those who don't know any better will perceive as confidence, by assuming that the person projecting it is in fact confident, rather than insecure.

Traits of projected self confidence: 

The constant need to sing ones own praises. Constantly saying "I'm beautiful aren't I?" or anything that they may want you to perceive that they are confident about. Do not get me wrong, not everyone who sings their own praises are secretly insecure. Some are just arrogant and full of it. You'll be able to discern the difference between the two types by their aura. There, lies the silent distinction between the 'secretly insecure' and the 'confident' (full of it).


The focus here is the secretly insecure:

Their sense of self-confidence comes from comparing themselves to others. They will sit and count the areas in which they are better at or how much more attractive they are in comparison to another. This is so they can feel better about themselves.

To be very open with you, I almost fell into that trap myself. It's not something we do on purpose. It's something we do as a form of internal defense against the feeling of incompetence. We automatically begin to evaluate what we are good at when we come across someone who we perceive is either more attractive or better than us in some way. We go into count mode. We begin counting and stacking up our abilities against the other persons. We do this to reaffirm ourselves in the moment. The danger is if it becomes habitual. That's when we lose our sense of self-worth. This constant comparison thing becomes what we reach for every-time we feel low, so we can make ourselves  feel competent. It is very jarring to do this all the time.

How I escaped this trap:

Once I came across this woman. She was stunningly captivating. I literally could not take my eyes off her. Not only was she beautiful outside, but her persona was very welcoming and warm. She was talented and simply amazing to look at and be around. After intensively admiring her, I came back to myself and I instantly begun to compare myself to see how I stacked up against such an amazing woman. Have you ever done that? However, it felt good counting what I am good at. Then suddenly I stopped in my tracks and I said "No" to myself inside my head. I spoke to me! I said it's not right! You shouldn't have to compare yourself to feel good about you.

I started to evaluate my self-confidence and  I checked to see why I felt inferior. After carefully assessing myself. I arrived at this personal question, which I asked me! "How many of you are there Viviane?" (I know my name is very generic). I mean me the person, how many are there? And I answered, "One!" How many will there ever be? I said, "One! Only ONE." Then it happened. It was an intense self-revelation, which brought on an effective paradigm shift. This effectively begun the process of breaking down all the false images of who I thought I was in my head. It caused me to look at myself from a different light. I saw myself as a rare species endangered by the epidemic disease that is insecurity. In that moment of inferiority, I could of well chose to become a copy of this woman who I admired. Now, do not mix up being inspired by someone and becoming a replicate twisted. When you are inspired, the flow of that energy causes you to invest into whatever you are doing to better it. Not to copy and become a reflection of whatever inspired you.  

My self-confidence stems from my view of me. The uniqueness of my individuality as a person. My distinctive appearance and all the constructs that make me. This is because I have come to embrace myself as a person. I have accepted me in my whole entirety. I have accepted the fact that this is who I am. The good about me I will refine for the better and my flaws I will strategically commit myself to improving them.

The problem with us as people is this; what's rare in others, we tend to bully and make fun of. In turn, we make them feel wrong to be different. Instead of celebrating difference. More so, when we're young, the criticism and judgement from other people tends to make us despite the very thing about us that set us a part. 

Challenge:

Today I encourage you to take time out to look into yourself, really observe your person microscopically and see all the little things about you that is just you! Not in comparison to anyone else, but with the understanding that there is only one of YOU. You also have to understand that comparing yourself is somewhat futile, because the breed that is "YOU", there is only one of your kind. Technically, you can't compare yourself to anything that isn't the same as "YOU", As there will only ever be one "YOU".


You have to like "YOU". Like you enough that you see the beauty that's in you. When you do this, you will grow from liking yourself to eventually loving yourself, as you unveil the new layers of "YOU". Only then can you get to a safe place in yourself to be able to genuinely admire beauty in others without feeling inferior or envious, because you already have "YOU" and you are more than enough. It's easier said than done, but first steps first. Start by seeing the good in you. As for your flaws, don't let them bring you down! Let them be an array of opportunity to improve and better yourself.


You don't have to compare yourself to others everyday. Focus on loving and bettering yourself. Be the best "YOU" you can be.......Yours Truly Viviane.


 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

I CAN

I can has no limits, because it stands by I AM.

I CAN is only possible, because of I AM. Once I AM is revealed to "Self", I CAN is limitless and knows no boundaries. I CAN has no limits because it acts within the provision of I AM.

I AM is not bound by yesterday's mistakes. I AM is free to take any form.

I AM, CAN BE the IM-possible, unthinkable and inconceivable. I AM ostentatiously shows off it's capabilities in I CAN.
I CAN is free to go with the opportunities of today. I CAN holds no records of the time wasted in the snares of procrastination. I CAN creates results. I CAN knows no excuses. I CAN will get you to where I AM is.



I believe you CAN be, once you know I AM, I CAN is your ticket to go  Because I am, I can , Be!...... Yours Truly Viviane.

 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Prove them wrong.

"Work hard and prove your doubters/haters wrong" I don't believe, this is a good source of motivation.

This is why, I believe the driving force behind achieving your dreams should be;your belief in that you can achieve it, with hard work and discipline. Most importantly that you can attain what you conceive in your mind, is possible. 
Working  to prove others wrong, has it's limits. I see it, as you are boxing yourself in. Only, to achieve what's considered "impossible" instead of being open, to achieving the " unimaginable".
I know people are motivated differently, maybe this works for you. But just think about it, and consider this, with an open mind. what happens after, you have achieved what they said you couldn't do? What then?.......You see, if you're working to prove others wrong, after you do so. You may not have much of a target left.

Furthermore, like it or not you are indirectly working for their approval. It's as if, you are waiting to achieve your set goals/objectives so they can applaud you. why? they don't believe in you. You do not need their approval. You are already approved, because you think it is possible. More so, what than after you have outdone their expectations of you?  What's next?

Can you now see the cracks in this? as a form of motivational fuel, this is not enough to drive you. Hence why I don't particularly support it. I believe that from the start of your chase, your goal itself, should be your fuel. Whether it be that it reaps intrinsic or extrinsic rewards.

I believe you need to keep dreaming, even after you have found the gold, at the end of your first rainbow of pursuit. Dream up more rainbows and chase them! And keep going.

Your achievements should be monumental and out live you. With hope that generations to come, will continue to be astonished by it. Your work should able to; inspire and push the next generation beyond and over your line of achievements. That way, the level of achievements from the first to the second generation moving progressively upward in standards. Escalating from good, great, excellent,brilliant to phenomenal. Impressively impacting history itself!!!




Do not limit yourself to proving people wrong, but rather expend yourself. By enlarging the scope of the level of your achievements. Do it with the next generation in mind.
LEGACY be very concerned about it..... Yours Truly Viviane.


Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Mask; Life is not a masquerade.

Masks OFF, anyone??
We habitually communicate with each other regularly, but what are we communicating? What's really passing through the countless mediums of communications we now have available to us, at our finger tips. For all the different forms of communication we have today, we have matching filters and barriers to them. Lets not forget the lack of content in the communication. We have millions of ways of expressing ourselves and through them are the millions of façades.

Why are we all Hiding? Why the mask?
The masking spoken of here, is not that which people use in hiding to cover ulterior motivates. It's not the masking of fake-ness. It's not the pretentious mask of hiding the true intent of the heart. But the masking of covering and hiding the true dealings and matters hurting your heart, from the friends and family who care for you. It's the masking that causes more damage to us and our environment, if not dealt with.

We all have things we are dealing with intrinsically that may go unnoticed to our friends and family, if we do not share them. But of course extrinsic issues are harder to hide.                                                                         Thus the people in our lives are aware of them, because they are physically present and cannot be hidden from the naked eye. But our realist battles, the type which causes damaging ripple effects to all areas of our lives are not being dealt with. Such issues they need to be dealt with cautiousness and controlled with a none-hazardous prevention approach. Often we simply  brush theses matters under carpets internally.

 Things inside of you will also begin to ooze out of you through your behaviour, attitude and your daily routine begins to change as result also. 



Expose 

Just because no one knows you are bleeding internally, it doesn't mean they can't see the blood dripping from your clothes, if you get my gist. You can hide behind a mask, by masking away your issues hurt, anger, grudge, bitterness, emotional distress, depression, suppressed pain and all types of internal dirty laundry we try and hide. Eventually they slip through the cracks in the mask of;  the fake smiley face you wear everyday. Like a dead body that's been left in a house, it begins to smell and literately wreak up the whole area. Thus they may not all happen at the same time.However with everything that's detrimental from the inside, gradually, with time the effects of all your internal pain and baggage that's been buried under your mask, will begin to show.

This by no means suggest, you must bare your naked soul to the world in your everyday dealings, no.This is purposed to raise awareness that a mask is not a solution, it cannot permanently resolve what you are facing internally, above all it cannot heal you.The troubling waters of the soul ought to be dealt with before it becomes an uncontrolled flood that drown your sanity.

Truth

Face yourself and your internal mess, seek help. Open up to a confident and speak. Sometimes all you need to do is speak. Just by sharing what you are battling with, you can find your solution from your own self in conversation with someone else. I know not everyone is fond of taking advice but, sometimes just speaking to someone else helps you realise the solutions just because you are interacting in a conversation. Especially if the person you are talking to is asking you the right questions, to get a better understand of you. Their questions can often help you find a solution to what's in your heart and mind.

Air and light

Talking opens the window to your soul. It brings freshness into your mind. Sometimes you'll find that it's not even as bad as thought, because in conversation you translate your thoughts into an understandable version of yourself. Not only that, but  if the person you confide in really engages with you they can shed new light on what's hurting you or bothering your mind. You get to walk away with a new perspective on the subject, which is always good to widen your view and improve your understanding of matters.

Conclusively; what I am saying is less of the mask and more of real conversations and exploring the real situations bedded in us. As all artificial things which aren't natural to us, a masks strength and ability to hold in all you are harbouring eventually breaks. As all unresolved issues they pile up. Don't become an internal negative pain hoarder.

Be Kind and Caring to yourself attend to the after party mess inside.... Yours Truly, Viviane.

Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Have it all together?

Hi guys, I hope you are all well. This post is to connect with you, on a more realistic level. I know that most times when we read stuff that are; motivational/ inspirational. We tend to automatically think, the writer has it all together. this is not always the case.  Let me give you a little insight into my world.

The last six months of my life, has been a mixture of; the depth of hell and the climax of heaven. Emotionally I have had my comfort rug ripped from under my feet. Have your ever had you fears, take place in front of you? Yea that!

September to December were the hardest months of 2013, because I had to make critical decisions. In December I had to purposely stock up and make mental preparations. I basically had to get on a mental treadmill and buff up my brain cells and mental captivity.

January to present, its quite evident I have made immense progress. It's as if, I skipped recovering and went straight into a mental boom ( see "Business Cycle" to understand my illustration).

The specific aim of this post is to encourage you, to see your own progress. Whether it be small, slow, fast or barely evident to you. But,  it is still progress.

I don't have it all together, and I'm still in the process of acquiring stuff and working to make all my dreams and aspirations real. Don't ever stop to look at someone else and think, they can do this and that because they have this, NO! We are all dealing with stuff, some  issues are very serious troubling matters and some fairly easy problems.

We are all going through it, so take it a day at time! Your dreams are not as far, as you think.



Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Judgement and Assumptions:

do you find that people struggle to see the real you?

Let their assumptions be your platform, not to prove yourself but to be you. Don't rush to show off your true colours, because of the need for validation. let time reveal you!
Because There is something very satisfying about when things are done in their proper timing.

From my own experience, most times when people have met me in person. They assume because I'm small and loud, that there's not much to me. and that I'm just a simple pretty face! This used to bother and upset me terribly....... You ask yourself, well how do you know they thought this of you, Viviane? I can see in their eyes and it's apparent in their actions towards me. Some have, even confessed so to me! I'm not fussed about it any more, because I know better now, I know me! Don't get me wrong, the pressure of that perception of me is partly what pushed me to want to be more, than just a simple shell of  a countenance. It was very instrumental in my journey, It taught me timing and patience.

Some may be happy, with just that. Whether its bad or good, some are OK. with people just having a view on them, well at least its better than nothing, that's fine! it's your right! to be whatever! it's your choice to be want you want! after all, God gave you free will, who am I to dictate your choosing. But it's proficient to be more, because you can do more with a full cup than an empty shiny glass... I hope you Got that!

To those who have suffered under the negative stigma of social stereotypes and preconceived ideas of who you are. In spite of this you know you are more than whatever meets the eye and what they assume of you.

I'd say this: don't crack under the pressure and desperation to prove yourself, work on yourself in your dark room. Develop the negatives they give you into positives. Give yourself the best of your attention, attend to your heart and mind. Most importantly be attentive to what's happening in your mind and control the conversations taking place inside you! You must  filter out the negatives, so they don't taint the amazing picture of yourself you are working on. That incoming thought process control is pivotal to the crafting of "self".

You have to be watchful that nothing you don't want slips in through the cracks of the words of someone else! because you may have overlooked it and not considered it harmful. And it attaches itself to your "person" in working progress! You don't want to end up one day asking yourself how did I get like this? Or This isn't like me!

when the time is right and the atmosphere has become conducive to bring to light the great piece of art that is "You"! That which you poured your heart and sweat into crafting. When you are ready no one would be able to perceive any different of you, than that which you have chosen to communicate through the real version of yourself.






You can be more,
Do more,
Love more,
Care more,
There's is no limit to more,
More goes as far as you want,
You are more,
and What they think is less, than the more you are!......Viviane.


Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

who are you?

WHO are you?

I feel that it’s only fitting for my first Blog post, I discuss the essential of my passion, “Self” what other way is there than to explore the content of WHO you are. First things first, let’s get acquainted.
Hi there reader! Nice to meet you!  I would like to introduce you to my “PERSON” and take you on a little journey of how, I met me. Personally my journey into self discovery started when I sought to know God; it's in him that lay the pillars of my being! No lies, just facts!
Growing up I didn't really know who I was, not because I didn't like the Viviane I saw! But I didn't see myself full stop! I saw the complaints of others; most people said I was loud, a little crazy and too expressive!  I tried to tame that part of me, it didn't quite work out. In my teens God found me!  And he brought me into my element thereafter the “knowing me process begun”.

As I sort to know more of God, He shun light on the person I really was, the me I was intended to be!
Just think about it, Who better to reveal you to you than the one who created you?
You wouldn't go to Apple for help for a Blackberry phone would you? No, in the same way you wouldn't go to another person who did not create you to show you who you are or to fix you. The manufacturer knows what to do because He created you.

I used to think to myself, what can I do? I look around and see a lot of people doing fashion, beauty, singing etc. But for me those things are not my passion, even though I love all of that.

I've never been one to follow the trend or go with the crowd. I've always liked writing, I have a thing for words, I love words, a lot!  And I'm a huge thinker,  so in essence the two make sense together.

Considering I spend a lot of time in thought and translating what I'm thinking into writing. As the years went by I came to realise, I love COGNITION (the act or process of knowing perception) I really do! I realised   this is my art, it’s a little unusual but it is. Your art I'd say is anything you are passionate about. Cut a  long story short I thought well I like to write, think, and most importantly  I love any form of self-work ( self-development, reflection, refinement and so on). I believe in working on yourself turning everything into Gold from the inside out.

What I'm getting to is this, thank God he taught me to deal with myself thus, I was able to come to know me and what I like and not just jump to do what everyone else is doing! I encourage self-research! Dig into your soul and find yourself!!

I chose this picture because it’s the best still imagery that captures me in motion.... I am not someone that stays still, I move a lot constantly and I talk a lot!

I guess the question that now remains is who are you? How much of yourself do you know?

I’d say it’s imperative that you spend time on yourself and doing things that help you to discover YOU. For example I like to think and that’s how I came to know more about me and I'm still learning. What do you like to do? Finding yourself is a beautiful thing, because when you do the people in your life are blessed by the beauty of your authentic self. Above all you feel more competent and confident.
You may read this and ask yourself so what AM I passionate about? It's OK! if nothing comes to mind if you find that you like more then one thing at present. Give it time soon you'll find that you love one thing more than another.

Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX