The Fear Of Being Yourself

If I were to give a time frame, my journey into self-discovery started in 2008. I refer to this specific time because as I remember, that's when God first started teaching me about finding myself in him & not how I dressed or what I looked like from the outside. This is the mistake that many young people make today, we tend to find our identity in the latest fashion trends. Don't find yourself in things because after a while you will feel empty. He brought it to my attention that outside beauty doesn't equal internal beauty, nor does it equate to any valuable self-content.

The more I got to know myself & unveiled new layers of my personality, the more I really wanted to be myself. It's so sad that there was a moment in time that I didn't know myself at all. Not because I didn't like myself, but because I didn't know myself to want to be me. We all experience that  period of lack of self-knowledge, however some never discovered themselves at all, they got lost in fake identities.

The part view of self is not the complete picture of you.

Learn the difference between constructive cricism of who you are and destructive critisim. You don't need to know everyone's opinion of you because they all don't matter. 

The part of me that was known to people was the energetic & loud side. Some made me feel wrong to be all that, so I disliked the loud side of me. I tried so often to tame & silence it. I really wanted to be like the quiet girls because I thought those were the type that were considered more womanly & had etiquette. People say woman are to be seen and not heard, well I am both seen & heard. This made me think maybe something is wrong with me, maybe I'm not a woman. I so badly wanted to be like the quiet girls. The other side of me, the deep thinker, the smart, intelligent side of me; very few people saw that. The only people who truly experienced that side of me were my close friends. Even some members of my family have always perceived me to be a crazy loud mouth that's always excited.

Because of all these misconceptions of me, I developed a serious fear of self. It got really bad that sometimes when I was around people, who I knew judged me solely on the facts that they thought I was loud, it would make me uncomfortable & quiet. I would freeze up because I didn't want to end up doing anything to prove that I was more than what they perceived me to be. I have always hated the idea of proving myself to anyone. Although, it used to bother me a lot how people saw me and how some still see me today, I have always said to myself I will not prove myself to anyone. Not because of pride, but because I believe not everyone is meant to get you and who you are. We all have our own audience, nonetheless I still had to overcome it and find confidence in who I am, accept or not.

The fear of being yourself is a very scary thing. How could I be so insecure about "self"? Some people don't even know they have this fear of themselves because often when we speak of insecurities, the focus is primarily on external appearance and the insecurities present there! Things that we can nip & tuck with surgery or cover up with a little make up. But the true insecurity of "Self" is overlooked; the loss of your true identity because of the fear of people's judgement of who you truly are.

Some suffer from this identity crisis, not because they don't know themselves or who they are but rather they know exactly who and what they are; however the fear of their true selves holds them back, because who they are is the type of person that isn't accepted by the masses. More so who they are is not the norm. In essence, their true identity is the type that is rejected by the majority.

We all judge each other everyday, but very few take the time out to evaluate the type of judgements they receive. Because naturally I'm a thinker, I got into a habit of dissecting & really looking into why people assumed that I am less than what I am because I'm naturally loud.

I tried to understand why in society today you can't be both loud & smart. Pretty and a Genius. Wild & Constrained. Why cant we be both ends of the spectrum? We are so one dimensional, it's either black or white there are no grey areas.

Had God not stopped me and showed me who I am, when he did,  I would be the most insecure person you'd ever meet. Not because I think less of my physical appearance, it has nothing to do with whether my physical appearance is pleasant to the eyes or not! I like myself physically! But it has more to do with the fact that because I look the way I do people naturally assume I'm a certain way! She's 5'3, black, loud and nothing more, but in reality, internally my personalities are so extreme. I have always struggled to understand why people would never expect me to be smart because I look this way or why I'm very animated.

I answered the call to be everything God said I am and all that he hoped I'll be. I learnt that it's ok for me to be loud & wise. Excited & intelligent.

If you met me with my black hair you may think I'm too conservative & boring. But with the blonde hair you'd think, I'm free spirited and wild. Believe it or not I am both. When I'm serious, I'm too serious that it is boring to some & when I'm wild it's just too crazy for some, but that's who I am. I'm an extremist in my core and I'm ok with that. Just because people don't expect both ends of the spectrum to coexist in one person it doesn't mean I can't be it. I'm the type of person, if you box me in you will never get me.

Now, I'm not too fussed if some people only experience one side of me and not the other and they walk away from me thinking no she's just wild I can't deal with her! Oh well!

This is it.

You have to accept that not everyone will like you, not everyone will truly experience all the dimensions of your personality and all the amazing stuff you are at heart and that's ok. As long as you answer the call to be everything God imagined you'll be.

As you journey into self and you learn to be comfortable in who you are, don't let anyone make you feel wrong to be what you are. Don't be defensive but be open to constructive criticisms for improvement sake. Don't walk in the shadow of someone else trying to be what you think is more acceptable. Find happiness in everything you have uncovered that you are and embrace yourself and be proud of you. 

Lastly consider this, God entrusted you with such an amazing character to be in this life time, why would you want to be anything other.  

Know that imitators of people don't make if far and they're never remembered, but genuine authentic souls are timeless.

 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Freedom of Expression and Morality

Who's job is it to fix our world? 


Who are "They"? These people who are responsible for fixing the problems in our world. We point the finger at "They", this supposed superior group called "They" apparently are capable of fixing society. I have yet to meet them. I'm puzzled about their existence because I'm certain that "They" do not exist.

All this, "They need to stop this and that" is such a controlled mindset of victims. We are not victims of our society but our society is a product of US.

Our world today is a reflection of us. Collectively we form what has become of it. If the world is messed up, so are we! We are the people who inhabit it. We allowed the mess to take place and we continue to extend its right to be present amongst us. Everything presently wrong in society is due to us not doing enough to resist it or by us simply allowing it to take place through tolerance.


Freedom of expression. How far is too far?

What is freedom of expression? I'd really like to understand it. When did freedom of expression and the right to be who you are become the right of passage for wrong doing? Nowadays when someone is doing wrong they can no longer be corrected because we all have been given the card to be anything we want. Can we not be what we want to be within the bounds of morality? 
This is what I understand as "freedom of expression"; The right to express your ideas/opinions and interpretation of matters through writing, speech and any medium of communication, BUT without causing harm to others and their reputation or character by false and misleading statements. So with this understanding, where or when did freedom of expression mean to be moral-less or careless to the effects of our behaviour?! Is morality bounding to freedom? Is our freedom and right to be as we please the passport to wrong doing ?

Blame?
We are to blame for the problems now presently ruling society. We say, "Oh its OK, be what you want and do what you will like, you have the right!", Yes that is very true. But you have to also be considerate, responsible and not detrimental to your surrounding. All behaviours have a cause and effect. If the kids in society today are off the rails, then what was the older generation doing? What did they deem OK in the crucial times when the younger generation's mindset were being moulded? Every generation is accountable for the next. You now cannot look down at the younger generation with judgement and say you have lost your ways, because you raised them this way. The things you were meant to prohibit you allowed. Consequently we are now in this vicious cycle and we are just going down the hill as a people. Our morals and values are becoming more minimized from large prints to barely readable font. We are scared to cause offense if we speak up because of the fear of violating someone's right to be immoral or what-less.



Solution! "We hold the key to fixing society!"

We need to wake up and take responsibility and stop waiting for "They", because they are never coming. But you and I are here today and it's our duty for the generations to come, that we take care of today. There's never really nothing out of our control to create change. To some extent we can all do something to cause change. The change you create may be in small parts, but it's the small things that form the big picture. There's a desperate need for a revolution of the mind. If every person looked to themselves for a solution, then the world would somehow be different. How can we expect others to fix what we see wrong if they don't see it. 

Do something today.

Consider everything you see wrong and what you can do about it, whether it simply be that you raise awareness. DO something today so that tomorrow is a better place for you to raise your kids and your kids to raise theirs. The state of tomorrows society is dependent on what we deem acceptable today from our small circles of influence, home, friendships, etc. What we tolerate today forms the moral compass of tomorrow and dictates the influences, which will affect the upbringing of our kids.

Say something! Correction starts with you identifying what is wrong, then doing something about it.....Yours Truly Viviane.


 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Self-confidence

Most people's portrayed self-confidence comes from a place of insecurity. What do I mean by this? Their self-confidence is not substantial, but it's a shell. It's a projection that those who don't know any better will perceive as confidence, by assuming that the person projecting it is in fact confident, rather than insecure.

Traits of projected self confidence: 

The constant need to sing ones own praises. Constantly saying "I'm beautiful aren't I?" or anything that they may want you to perceive that they are confident about. Do not get me wrong, not everyone who sings their own praises are secretly insecure. Some are just arrogant and full of it. You'll be able to discern the difference between the two types by their aura. There, lies the silent distinction between the 'secretly insecure' and the 'confident' (full of it).


The focus here is the secretly insecure:

Their sense of self-confidence comes from comparing themselves to others. They will sit and count the areas in which they are better at or how much more attractive they are in comparison to another. This is so they can feel better about themselves.

To be very open with you, I almost fell into that trap myself. It's not something we do on purpose. It's something we do as a form of internal defense against the feeling of incompetence. We automatically begin to evaluate what we are good at when we come across someone who we perceive is either more attractive or better than us in some way. We go into count mode. We begin counting and stacking up our abilities against the other persons. We do this to reaffirm ourselves in the moment. The danger is if it becomes habitual. That's when we lose our sense of self-worth. This constant comparison thing becomes what we reach for every-time we feel low, so we can make ourselves  feel competent. It is very jarring to do this all the time.

How I escaped this trap:

Once I came across this woman. She was stunningly captivating. I literally could not take my eyes off her. Not only was she beautiful outside, but her persona was very welcoming and warm. She was talented and simply amazing to look at and be around. After intensively admiring her, I came back to myself and I instantly begun to compare myself to see how I stacked up against such an amazing woman. Have you ever done that? However, it felt good counting what I am good at. Then suddenly I stopped in my tracks and I said "No" to myself inside my head. I spoke to me! I said it's not right! You shouldn't have to compare yourself to feel good about you.

I started to evaluate my self-confidence and  I checked to see why I felt inferior. After carefully assessing myself. I arrived at this personal question, which I asked me! "How many of you are there Viviane?" (I know my name is very generic). I mean me the person, how many are there? And I answered, "One!" How many will there ever be? I said, "One! Only ONE." Then it happened. It was an intense self-revelation, which brought on an effective paradigm shift. This effectively begun the process of breaking down all the false images of who I thought I was in my head. It caused me to look at myself from a different light. I saw myself as a rare species endangered by the epidemic disease that is insecurity. In that moment of inferiority, I could of well chose to become a copy of this woman who I admired. Now, do not mix up being inspired by someone and becoming a replicate twisted. When you are inspired, the flow of that energy causes you to invest into whatever you are doing to better it. Not to copy and become a reflection of whatever inspired you.  

My self-confidence stems from my view of me. The uniqueness of my individuality as a person. My distinctive appearance and all the constructs that make me. This is because I have come to embrace myself as a person. I have accepted me in my whole entirety. I have accepted the fact that this is who I am. The good about me I will refine for the better and my flaws I will strategically commit myself to improving them.

The problem with us as people is this; what's rare in others, we tend to bully and make fun of. In turn, we make them feel wrong to be different. Instead of celebrating difference. More so, when we're young, the criticism and judgement from other people tends to make us despite the very thing about us that set us a part. 

Challenge:

Today I encourage you to take time out to look into yourself, really observe your person microscopically and see all the little things about you that is just you! Not in comparison to anyone else, but with the understanding that there is only one of YOU. You also have to understand that comparing yourself is somewhat futile, because the breed that is "YOU", there is only one of your kind. Technically, you can't compare yourself to anything that isn't the same as "YOU", As there will only ever be one "YOU".


You have to like "YOU". Like you enough that you see the beauty that's in you. When you do this, you will grow from liking yourself to eventually loving yourself, as you unveil the new layers of "YOU". Only then can you get to a safe place in yourself to be able to genuinely admire beauty in others without feeling inferior or envious, because you already have "YOU" and you are more than enough. It's easier said than done, but first steps first. Start by seeing the good in you. As for your flaws, don't let them bring you down! Let them be an array of opportunity to improve and better yourself.


You don't have to compare yourself to others everyday. Focus on loving and bettering yourself. Be the best "YOU" you can be.......Yours Truly Viviane.


 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

I CAN

I can has no limits, because it stands by I AM.

I CAN is only possible, because of I AM. Once I AM is revealed to "Self", I CAN is limitless and knows no boundaries. I CAN has no limits because it acts within the provision of I AM.

I AM is not bound by yesterday's mistakes. I AM is free to take any form.

I AM, CAN BE the IM-possible, unthinkable and inconceivable. I AM ostentatiously shows off it's capabilities in I CAN.
I CAN is free to go with the opportunities of today. I CAN holds no records of the time wasted in the snares of procrastination. I CAN creates results. I CAN knows no excuses. I CAN will get you to where I AM is.



I believe you CAN be, once you know I AM, I CAN is your ticket to go  Because I am, I can , Be!...... Yours Truly Viviane.

 Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Prove them wrong.

"Work hard and prove your doubters/haters wrong" I don't believe, this is a good source of motivation.

This is why, I believe the driving force behind achieving your dreams should be;your belief in that you can achieve it, with hard work and discipline. Most importantly that you can attain what you conceive in your mind, is possible. 
Working  to prove others wrong, has it's limits. I see it, as you are boxing yourself in. Only, to achieve what's considered "impossible" instead of being open, to achieving the " unimaginable".
I know people are motivated differently, maybe this works for you. But just think about it, and consider this, with an open mind. what happens after, you have achieved what they said you couldn't do? What then?.......You see, if you're working to prove others wrong, after you do so. You may not have much of a target left.

Furthermore, like it or not you are indirectly working for their approval. It's as if, you are waiting to achieve your set goals/objectives so they can applaud you. why? they don't believe in you. You do not need their approval. You are already approved, because you think it is possible. More so, what than after you have outdone their expectations of you?  What's next?

Can you now see the cracks in this? as a form of motivational fuel, this is not enough to drive you. Hence why I don't particularly support it. I believe that from the start of your chase, your goal itself, should be your fuel. Whether it be that it reaps intrinsic or extrinsic rewards.

I believe you need to keep dreaming, even after you have found the gold, at the end of your first rainbow of pursuit. Dream up more rainbows and chase them! And keep going.

Your achievements should be monumental and out live you. With hope that generations to come, will continue to be astonished by it. Your work should able to; inspire and push the next generation beyond and over your line of achievements. That way, the level of achievements from the first to the second generation moving progressively upward in standards. Escalating from good, great, excellent,brilliant to phenomenal. Impressively impacting history itself!!!




Do not limit yourself to proving people wrong, but rather expend yourself. By enlarging the scope of the level of your achievements. Do it with the next generation in mind.
LEGACY be very concerned about it..... Yours Truly Viviane.


Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Mask; Life is not a masquerade.

Masks OFF, anyone??
We habitually communicate with each other regularly, but what are we communicating? What's really passing through the countless mediums of communications we now have available to us, at our finger tips. For all the different forms of communication we have today, we have matching filters and barriers to them. Lets not forget the lack of content in the communication. We have millions of ways of expressing ourselves and through them are the millions of façades.

Why are we all Hiding? Why the mask?
The masking spoken of here, is not that which people use in hiding to cover ulterior motivates. It's not the masking of fake-ness. It's not the pretentious mask of hiding the true intent of the heart. But the masking of covering and hiding the true dealings and matters hurting your heart, from the friends and family who care for you. It's the masking that causes more damage to us and our environment, if not dealt with.

We all have things we are dealing with intrinsically that may go unnoticed to our friends and family, if we do not share them. But of course extrinsic issues are harder to hide.                                                                         Thus the people in our lives are aware of them, because they are physically present and cannot be hidden from the naked eye. But our realist battles, the type which causes damaging ripple effects to all areas of our lives are not being dealt with. Such issues they need to be dealt with cautiousness and controlled with a none-hazardous prevention approach. Often we simply  brush theses matters under carpets internally.

 Things inside of you will also begin to ooze out of you through your behaviour, attitude and your daily routine begins to change as result also. 



Expose 

Just because no one knows you are bleeding internally, it doesn't mean they can't see the blood dripping from your clothes, if you get my gist. You can hide behind a mask, by masking away your issues hurt, anger, grudge, bitterness, emotional distress, depression, suppressed pain and all types of internal dirty laundry we try and hide. Eventually they slip through the cracks in the mask of;  the fake smiley face you wear everyday. Like a dead body that's been left in a house, it begins to smell and literately wreak up the whole area. Thus they may not all happen at the same time.However with everything that's detrimental from the inside, gradually, with time the effects of all your internal pain and baggage that's been buried under your mask, will begin to show.

This by no means suggest, you must bare your naked soul to the world in your everyday dealings, no.This is purposed to raise awareness that a mask is not a solution, it cannot permanently resolve what you are facing internally, above all it cannot heal you.The troubling waters of the soul ought to be dealt with before it becomes an uncontrolled flood that drown your sanity.

Truth

Face yourself and your internal mess, seek help. Open up to a confident and speak. Sometimes all you need to do is speak. Just by sharing what you are battling with, you can find your solution from your own self in conversation with someone else. I know not everyone is fond of taking advice but, sometimes just speaking to someone else helps you realise the solutions just because you are interacting in a conversation. Especially if the person you are talking to is asking you the right questions, to get a better understand of you. Their questions can often help you find a solution to what's in your heart and mind.

Air and light

Talking opens the window to your soul. It brings freshness into your mind. Sometimes you'll find that it's not even as bad as thought, because in conversation you translate your thoughts into an understandable version of yourself. Not only that, but  if the person you confide in really engages with you they can shed new light on what's hurting you or bothering your mind. You get to walk away with a new perspective on the subject, which is always good to widen your view and improve your understanding of matters.

Conclusively; what I am saying is less of the mask and more of real conversations and exploring the real situations bedded in us. As all artificial things which aren't natural to us, a masks strength and ability to hold in all you are harbouring eventually breaks. As all unresolved issues they pile up. Don't become an internal negative pain hoarder.

Be Kind and Caring to yourself attend to the after party mess inside.... Yours Truly, Viviane.

Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX

Have it all together?

Hi guys, I hope you are all well. This post is to connect with you, on a more realistic level. I know that most times when we read stuff that are; motivational/ inspirational. We tend to automatically think, the writer has it all together. this is not always the case.  Let me give you a little insight into my world.

The last six months of my life, has been a mixture of; the depth of hell and the climax of heaven. Emotionally I have had my comfort rug ripped from under my feet. Have your ever had you fears, take place in front of you? Yea that!

September to December were the hardest months of 2013, because I had to make critical decisions. In December I had to purposely stock up and make mental preparations. I basically had to get on a mental treadmill and buff up my brain cells and mental captivity.

January to present, its quite evident I have made immense progress. It's as if, I skipped recovering and went straight into a mental boom ( see "Business Cycle" to understand my illustration).

The specific aim of this post is to encourage you, to see your own progress. Whether it be small, slow, fast or barely evident to you. But,  it is still progress.

I don't have it all together, and I'm still in the process of acquiring stuff and working to make all my dreams and aspirations real. Don't ever stop to look at someone else and think, they can do this and that because they have this, NO! We are all dealing with stuff, some  issues are very serious troubling matters and some fairly easy problems.

We are all going through it, so take it a day at time! Your dreams are not as far, as you think.



Love YOU first and love THEM all always XOX